This is Masterpiece.

I'm giving up on love forever!

Previously on "The Durrells in Corfu."

LOUISA: Would you please have a kind word with Margo?

She's in love with Max.

THEO: Mrs. Petridis is nice.

She's English.

You'd get on.

LOUISA: I went to the bank again today.

Still no sign of our money.

We need food, or we are all on the next boat home!

This is my friend Sven.

He has done this operation before.

LOUISA: Larry's woken up.

He's on the mend.

"The Durrells in Corfu," tonight on Masterpiec It's all going on, isn't it?

Where's Theo?

Away at a conference about mollusks.

No one else will collect dung beetles with me.

Well, that's hardly surprising, is it?

I mean, they're beetles made of dung.

They're not made of dung; they live on dung.

They cut it, then they roll it, and they bury it.

If only your father were here.

Was he interested in nature?

No.

Oh.

Why don't you go fishing?

To be honest, we could do with the fish.

(boys speaking Greek) Yeah, yeah, thanks for walking me home.

Herete.

You're so sweet, but I'm getting married.

My mother's making me.

He's in shipping.

LOUISA: Well done.

I couldn't take any more of your romantic upsets after the last one.

Oh no, I'm still looking.

I just don't really fancy them.

I might try the harbor.

Margo, you need to get a job.

Why me?

What about Larry and Leslie?

I have a job!

(typewriter clanging) It's not a job!

It's showing off.

LARRY: Shut up, Leslie!

Shoo!

She's getting married.

Someone in shipping.

You don't think this is work?

This is six months of blood and sweat and... ...other fluids I won't go into.

Yes, I know.

Well done, dear.

"Gnarled were the hands, tented in worship.

"The sodden coat clumped round her like moss on grizzled trellis."

It's lovely, darling.

Don't spoil it for me, though.

LARRY: Oh, thank God.

Food.

Uh-uh!

It's for Alexia.

It's our two-month anniversary.

LOUISE: Oh, sweet boy.

He is best child.

Well, you see, back in England, we try not to have favorites, Lugaretzia.

He is best child.

But it is nice for him.

We all need love.

He has Alexia.

Larry, you have Nancy back in England.

And you have...?

Yes, all right, Larry.

I know what you're going to say, thank you, and I can look after myself.

For Alexia.

(speaking Greek) (stifled laugh) (stifled laugh) ♪ ♪ (dragonfly wings buzzing) Go on, then.

Do something.

(sighs) (car approaching) Hello, Mrs. Durrells.

Oh!

Hello, Spiros.

You want a lift?

No, no, I'm fine, thank you.

I'll give you a lift.

No, no, no, I'm fine.

No, I'll give you a lift.

(splash) MAN: Bravo!

Hello.

English?

Yes.

Gerry.

Kostis.

SPIROS: Why were you hiding from me?

LOUISA: No, I was just... getting some shade.

No, you were hiding.

Where you going?

Um, just into town, please, Spiros.

Come on, where you going?

To Sven's house.

Ah.

(laughs) Why you going there?

To ask him a question.

Ask me.

I know everything.

He's a Swede.

He saved Larry's life.

What's the matter with the Swedes, anyway?

Too lazy to make an empire like the British and the Greeks.

Much too lazy.

(bird calling) Erodios.

Egret.

(accordion music playing) Hello, Sven.

Louisa.

I wanted to apologize for offering to pay for Larry's operation.

You were just being British.

You don't like being in anyone's debt.

Are you so different in Sweden?

I don't know.

I'm getting less Swedish every year.

I think I'm down to 38%.

But I like the Greeks-- their honesty.

Mm.

I wouldn't mind a bit of Greek in me.

Oh, stop it.

Do you like the accordion?

Um... no, not really.

(stops playing) Not so fond of honesty now?

Everybody likes the accordion.

Well... Um, I was wondering if you knew anything about olive harvesting.

What exactly is it you don't like?

Oh...

The sound.

The way it looks like a little piano for dwarves.

I... Do you prefer the bouzouki, which is like a tiny harp for idiots?

I have some animals.

I like animals, and they need feeding, so I have to go home now.

Come.

Ella.

GERRY: Roger!

KOSTI: You want to say hello to Alecko?

What's going on?

Who's this?

Stratos.

Yiasas.

He is my old boyfriend.

All right.

And my new boyfriend.

Your bicycle is for a girl.

It's a present.

For Alexia.

No, you cannot give it to her.

All right, then, I'll fight you for her.

See?

Alexia doesn't want that.

Well, okay, if you want.

No, I don't... (sighs) Fine.

Fine, let's have a duel.

A jewel?

A duel, with guns.

(speaking Greek) That's dangerous.

Dangerous and silly.

Go away.

Go!

Oh, no.

Darling, what's the matter?

I had to end it with Alexia.

(sobbing) Oh!

Leslie, I'm so sorry.

Her old boyfriend came back.

Oh, that's so upsetting.

I hate her!

Well, don't.

Actually, do.

She was...

I know I'm not good at anything.

Oh, you are!

I'm not.

I'm not clever like Larry or charming like Gerry or... whatever Margo is.

Well, she's... Apart from my guns, she was the first good thing that ever happened to me.

Well, there's your family.

Look at this.

I can't even cry nicely.

(crying) GERRY: He's beautiful.

Aren't you, Alecko?

You are.

For you.

You take him.

Really?

And your family... ...will like him?

Family is like, uh... good health.

You'll miss it only when it is gone.

You will need fish for him.

Come back tomorrow.

We catch a lot.

I will.

Sure you don't want him?

It is hard to keep him where I live.

Why?

Do your family not like him?

Except for weekends I live on that island.

The prison island?

Do you work there?

No.

So you're a convict.

Oh!

(sighs) MARGO: I'm sure there's a knack.

Ask Lugaretzia how it's done.

She says the olive pollen irritates her face.

Her face always looks irritated.

Well, it makes it more irritated.

Will you help me?

I'm working.

Looking for a job.

What are you doing?

I am putting a rocket up your backside.

Well, put it up Leslie's.

Sorry to hear about your girlfriend, Les.

Me too.

Me too, very much.

(sighs) Darling, Leslie, where are you going?

Shooting.

Promise me, promise me, you won't shoot Alexia or her... new friend.

Of course I won't.

You want supper, don't you?

Oh, darling.

Before I met your father, I turned down lots of young men, and they laughed about it afterwards.

Maybe they didn't really want to go out with you.

LOUISA: Do you know anyone who might have work for Margo?

I don't know where to start.

Well, what kind of job are you interested in?

I don't know.

Something to do with fashion or posh food.

I think you're muddling Corfu up with Paris.

(polite laugh) Do you think you might have something for her, helping you and Dr. Petridis?

Not really.

Do you have any experience?

No, not... No, but she's always loved alleviating suffering.

Haven't you, darling?

You know, that time when you... What?

Oh, please give her a bloody job.

Well, I suppose we could use some general help.

You know, errands, tidying... That's wonderful.

And in time, that might become actual nursing.

"Dr. Margo will see you now."

You know, that might be fun.

FLORENCE: Well, let's not jump ahead.

We won't be asking you to cut out an appendix.

We've got Sven for that.

Have you seen him at all?

Um... no.

Um... no, I don't think I have.

Margo, how's your Greek?

Oh, it's very good.

She's incredibly quick.

DR. PETRIDIS: It turns out the Countess Mavrodaki does have an incurable disease.

Darling?

Hypochondria!

And she also has an enormous... Louisa's here!

...villa.

Hello.

Margo is going to come and work here for a week, and then perhaps permanently.

Excellent.

When can you start?

In the autumn... As soon as possible.

(grunting) Shut your face.

(grunting) What are you doing?

No.

What?

You can't bring an albatross home.

It's a gull.

It's an albatross, look at the size of it.

Discipline it, it's gnashing its teeth.

They haven't got teeth.

Well, it's gnashing something.

It's a he, and he's called Alecko.

I don't believe in naming animals.

Anthropomorphism is for halfwits.

(squawking) Perhaps not.

I'll build another cage.

They're pissing and crapping.

Stop them!

I'll be healing the sick and the lame.

It's a calling.

You'll be a dogsbody, not a nurse.

Well, I'm a damn sight prettier than Florence Nightingale.

(door closes) I'm sure she was ravishing before her family wore her down.

Oh, hello, Leslie.

Oh, you were really angry, weren't you?

Mm.

(laughs) Why is there an albatross outside?

Thank you.

LOUISA: Yes, I've already told Gerry off.

It was given to him by his friend Kosti, who's clearly as keen on creatures as Gerry, so he's a very nice friend for him.

Why can't he look after the albatross?

GERRY: It's not an albatross!

And he can't because during the week he's in jail.

What?

LARRY: (laughs) Mm.

How open-minded are you?

Why is he in jail?

He didn't want to say.

You never know with these Corfiots.

Capable of anything.

Everyone isn't evil just because your girlfriend got a better offer.

Say that again and I'll burn the book you're writing.

Will you two stop squabbling?

Gerry... All right, I'll ask Kosti again tomorrow.

No, you're not going again tomorrow.

Why not?

Because he could be a murderer.

He can't have done anything that bad if they let him out at weekends.

Exactly.

LARRY: Don't be so sure.

In Corfu, you get three years for murder and five years if you're caught dynamiting fish.

I don't care what Kosti did.

He's friendly and kind.

Well, I do care because I'm responsible for you and it's my job to keep you safe.

Why did you bring us here, then?

It's a million times less safe than Hampshire.

Well, it is if you insist on going fishing with convicts.

And since you ask, I brought us here because... (door slams) ...because I wanted us to be happy.

(hissing) (hissing) Slow down.

Don't wolf your breakfast.

Is it nice?

(squawking) Oh, Gerry... What have I done wrong now?

Go and see your friend Kosti.

Thank you, Mom.

You're more responsible than all of us.

I should trust you more.

And I'm not being inconsistent; I'm being flexible.

Good.

But you will have to take someone with you!

MARGO: I'm a girl!

LARRY: No, no, no, I'm busy!

"Oh, hello.

So, what's your name?"

"Cheating girlfriend.

What's yours?"

"Leslie.

Leslie Gullible.

Lovely to meet you."

(sighs) Gerry!

Hello!

Who is he?

My brother Leslie.

Why he has gun?

My other brother Larry says because it's a penis substitute.

Shut up!

(splashing) GERRY: (gasps) Did you see that?

(grunting) (typewriter clanging) Larry!

I mustn't stop, I'm in the mood.

(groaning) Help me with Leslie.

He's fine.

Time is a big healer, and plenty of so-called self-abuse.

(groans) (typewriter dings) Well, that's very mature.

Help your brother.

Be a pal to him.

We're so different.

All right.

I'll take him into town.

For work tomorrow.

What do you think?

LOUISA: No, Margo.

Still, it's good to see you dressmaking, sort of.

There's a guest.

Here.

Mom, look!

The most amazing terrapin.

Oh, yes.

I'm calling him Old Plop.

Because...?

He's old and he goes plop.

(plops) Hello.

I'm Mrs. Durrell.

Kostis.

We're going to build a pond for it.

All right there, my old matey?

He needs friends.

I hear you're in prison.

Yes.

For how many years?

Uh, three years.

Three years.

And... how is prison?

It is a prison, uh...

It is a prison, of course.

May I ask how you came to be there?

My English... Because you see, I have to know that Gerry is safe with you.

Gerry!

Until the next weekend.

Why's he gone?

What did you say?

Gerry, I don't think you should see him anymore.

I promised him I'll see him next weekend, and I'm going to.

FLORENCE: Most patients come to us with minor ailments.

As Florence Nightingale said, "Just don't kill anybody."

I'm paraphrasing.

Mm.

You won't be doing anything medical, but there will be a few gruesome sights, I'm afraid.

Oh, I've prepared myself for that.

Good girl.

Elate!

(door opens) Oh God, I'm going to be sick.

Hello, Spiros.

Hello, Mrs. Durrells.

Where you want to go?

No, I just have a question.

Do you know a man called Kosti?

He's in Vito jail.

(speaking Greek) (speaking Greek) (speaking Greek) Oh, yes!

Him.

He murdered his wife.

Oh.

Why you ask?

Because he's been let out at weekends and he's been fishing with Gerry.

You should stop this right now.

I remember, he has a son who was taken from him and lives far away with his grandparents.

That's why he likes to be with Gerry, perhaps.

And why he's not very safe.

What about Somerset Maugham, eh?

He's a bit... these days.

Who?

The writer, Somerset... Never mind.

Webley's are thinking of modifying the sights on the Mark II rifle.

Dressing, please, Margo.

(bangs against drawers) I'm going to faint.

It's only a bit of blood.

Don't say blood.

Don't say blood in a doctor's surgery?

(glass shatters) So, now you won't have to see the "yucky things," as you call them.

We'll move you to paperwork.

Oh, fine.

I'm not speaking Greek yet.

Will that be a problem?

Are you sure you want to work here?

Oh, yes, yes.

Mom's really proud of me.

That's quite rare, actually.

Oh.

Should I have another go and really try not to heave or faint?

No, stay here.

Learn Greek.

What's the hurry?

FLORENCE: Margo's been...

I mean, I wouldn't say she's a natural.

She's uneasy with what she calls "repulsive old people."

Bless her.

Seems to be anyone over 40.

Are you all right?

If you had a son, would you let him go fishing with a convict who might be in for murder?

Gosh!

Might be?

See, there's this murderer, Kosti Pana... Oh, I don't know.

Anyway, it might not be him.

Kosti's a common name.

I know.

Oh, Florence, I don't know what to do.

Ask Sven.

He's lived here for years, and as a man, very much so... Why is everyone so obsessed with Sven?

He's just a tricky bloody Swede.

Excuse me!

I just thought you two might get on.

Well, quite clearly we don't.

Well, we've all done silly things.

Sil...?

He murdered his wife!

That's more than silly.

Are you telling me you don't want to kill Leslie sometimes?

That's not the point.

I want to kill all of you sometimes.

Exactly.

But I don't.

I want to ride a horse naked along a beach, but I don't.

Yeah, don't do that.

Don't do that.

Anyway, I told you, our Kosti's most likely in jail for stealing a postal order.

Three years for a postal order?

Five years for dynamiting fish.

They have their own rules here.

They'll hardly let a violent murderer out to do a spot of angling.

You're right.

You're right, and Gerry is very sensible.

He's a very good judge of character.

Gerry?

Who we found chatting to a rat?

(gasps) (speaking Greek) Bravo, bravo, Leslie.

Mm.

♪ ♪ "Vidos."

No, "nosos."

What?

(typewriter clanging) PETRIDIS: (speaking Greek) (blowing) (yelling in Greek) Sorry.

(blowing) (grunts) (birds squawking) (reading Greek aloud) (loud cough) You are going, Larry.

Leslie went last time.

Gerry can't be alone with Kosti.

Just in case.

He stole a postal order!

Stop saying that.

I'm trying to finish my novel.

Take it with you and read it there.

No, the one I'm writing.

Is everyone here a halfwit?

Oh, and remember you're going for a drink with Leslie.

Again?

(sighs) (typewriter clanging) (frustrated shout) My son.

He's the age of you.

I must not see him.

My father died when I was three.

I have only one memory of him-- both of us watching the goldfish in our pond.

You know, little orange fish?

(typewriter clanging) (fly buzzing) Oh, well done.

Thank you.

Did you decide to go by date order or name of patient?

Um, patient height.

Height?

Yes, because it's the first thing on your form, so it must be important.

Taller patients are up here, so no need to remember names, which I always forget anyway.

You just need to remember how tall they are.

Right.

What are these files?

It's the last doctor's.

Seems to be medical reports on police cases he was called out on.

Just... just leave them.

In fact, don't touch anything else.

"Kosti Papadopoulos..." (door closes) So, good work on the filing.

In order of height, I hear.

I'm beginning to think that might have been a stupid idea.

Anyway, it's Friday afternoon, so there's your wages for the week.

Look...

I know this is horrible, but I'm afraid I can't work here.

I'm not very good at filing, and everyone's so unwell, and it's just going to go on and on and on.

Oh.

Mm.

(clock ticking) Gerry?

So, did today go well?

Of course.

Why wouldn't it?

Don't be cross, but I borrowed this from the surgery.

I may not be good with the sick, but I am a good sleuth.

What are you talking about, Margo?

It's a doctor's report from a crime scene.

I spent all day translating it.

I'm like a Greek Agatha Christie.

Miss Marpo.

Do you get it?

Mr. Kosti Pap... Pap... ...wife had many stab wounds.

Brutal beating?

Oh, um, the goat chap is outside.

What?

You know, the foreigner who saved Larry's life.

Yeah, thanks for that!

(quietly): Goat chap.

(squawking) Starting a zoo?

Oh, they're Gerry's.

He prefers animals to people.

I agree with him.

Yes.

I mean, I admire a spider's web as much as anyone, but I still prefer St. Paul's Cathedral.

Men are so violent.

Sh!

I'm sorry I took offense at your dislike of the...

I'm sorry I didn't enjoy your playing of the, uh... (sighs) It's all so polite.

(quietly): Go to bed!

Hey, come on then.

Take me drinking.

(groans) You said you have trouble with your olives.

Yes.

Nets.

It's a very Greek solution.

Just leave the nets.

You wait.

Contemplate existence.

Then you occasionally collect.

Then you wait some more.

Ideally while playing the... ...musical instrument of your choice.

I talked to Florence Petridis.

She told me you were worried about a criminal.

Can I help?

No.

No, really.

You're not just being British?

Oh, no.

No, I get less British by the day.

I'm down to 89%.

Well, you know what they say around here.

(speaking Greek) Remind me what they mean?

"You know where I am."

LOUISA: Gerry?

Gerry?

Where's Gerry?

I think I heard him leave on the bike.

Kosti.

Gerry?

Gerry!

Get Leslie and Larry.

They've gone out.

Gerry!

Enough.

No more moping.

We'll find you a new girlfriend.

There's only one Alexia.

I doubt that, actually.

Alexia?

Ne?

See?

Lucky guess.

And she looks like a horse.

No, she doesn't.

What about her?

Sensational.

No, she looks like a horse.

You look like a horse.

I'll bring her over.

Uh... Hello.

I'm Lawrence Durrell.

I'm an author.

Gerry!

Oh!

(laughs) LARRY: And are you local?

WOMAN: Mm-hmm.

LARRY: Where did you get that nose?

It's beautiful.

WOMAN: My parents?

You are a bad boy.

LARRY: That sounds suspiciously like... Hello, I'm Leslie Durrell.

Hello, Leslie Durrell.

I don't care, but who are you?

Good.

Let's go home.

No.

Can I give you advice about women?

No!

Don't be defensive.

You're a decent chap.

Just be honest and vulnerable.

Shove it up your arse.

I think you've had enough.

Well, I'm drinking to forget.

And eating to forget.

Right.

(knuckles cracking) (man shouting in Greek) Go, go!

(shouting in Greek) Hey, hey, hey!

Gerry.

(shouting continues) Sh!

(speaking Greek) To the police station!

There's been a misunderstanding here.

He was stealing from the Countess Mavrodaki.

You leave.

Leslie.

Still being so sad about me?

(laughing) (laughs) Leslie!

(groans) Stupid, stupid boy.

(groans) (man shouting in Greek) Gerry, you should have told me where you were going.

You wouldn't have let me go.

You and Kosti were stealing.

Kosti was being kind.

Margo showed me a police medical file, Gerry.

He stabbed his wife, Maria, 16 times and then he threw her in the sea.

Kosti's wife was called Ioulia.

What?

It's Maria Papadopoulos.

Ioulia Panoupolos.

God, you don't even know his name properly or anything about him.

Oh, I'm sorry.

So he's a different Kosti.

She's buried in the cemetery in the valley, and Kosti visits her grave all the time and keeps it beautiful.

Now they'll arrest him and he'll never get out of prison.

(door closes) LARRY: Where have you been?

LOUISA: I'll tell you in the morning.

Where have you been?

They'll tell you in the morning.

What sort of police station opens at 9:00 in the morning?

(sighs) (speaking Greek) (laughs) Thank you.

(speaking Greek) (coughing) (laughing) (yawning) You go home.

I'll speak to you later.

Leslie...

Please release Kosti.

He must go back to the island.

He was just trying to help my son.

If he gets in any more trouble, they'll lock him away for years.

You understand the system-- hooray.

Mrs. Durrells?

Mrs. Durrells.

I heard what happened, and I am beside myself with outrage.

Which is your priority: your naughty son or the unjustly arrested wife-murderer?

They have already let Leslie go.

And Spiro, please don't shout at anyone.

It'll just make things worse for Kosti.

(speaking Greek) Mrs. Durrells is English.

(speaking Greek) (laughing) They are completely trustworthy.

Completely trustworthy.

(speaking Greek) Beautiful, tempting goldfish, which of course they will return.

(sighs) Very well.

I will let him go.

All right.

Release the prisoner.

Oh!

Later.

There is paperwork.

Later?

(speaking Greek) (shouting) Later.

Later!

You ever want a taxi, I'll make sure you get it later!

So, we just need to go and give the goldfish back.

And return the police file.

So go and get smart.

(both sigh) So... What have you learned from this experience?

Don't have a girlfriend.

Well, no.

Don't get into fights.

Well done.

But if you do, call the mates I made in the cell-- Sotos and Fotis.

They're really good at fighting.

Mother was getting really anxious, so I translated it and it turns out I got the wrong Kosti.

You know, easily done.

It's a pretty gruesome file, actually.

I could never be a policeman.

I think your mother wants to go.

LOUISA: Hello.

We're here to see the countess.

Let's leave the goldfish and make a run for it.

It's not about fish; it's about honesty.

Now, don't say anything except sorry and thank you, and then we'll leave.

MARGO: Larry was the worst estate agent in Bournemouth.

He actually won a prize, but it was too heavy to carry here.

And Leslie was gun-mad and nearly shot our postman.

I was fine, but Gerry here was only interested in anything with four legs or scales, hence the goldfish.

And mother was drinking too much, apparently, so that's why she brought us all to live in Corfu.

But tell us about yourself.

I must apologize for my daughter.

Well, you're a breath of fresh air.

Oh!

You're so sweet.

Dennis tries his best to entertain me, but he ran out of ideas some time ago.

I'm told I can be a bit dim.

Me too.

(laughs) (cork pops) Theo!

Hello, Gerry!

What have you got there?

LOUISA: A gift from the countess.

How was your trip?

Oh, yes, it was a fascinating conference.

A Swiss delegate tried to argue that mollusks were descended from annelids rather than the other way round, which almost led to fisticuffs.

(laughs) I can imagine!

Oh, we've missed you, Theo.

Margo, Gerry, will you go and make us tea?

Oh, Theo, I've got a job as lady's companion to Countess Mavrodaki.

Yes, I think Margo is going to be a survivor.

Theo, you know everything.

Have you heard of a case, a murder case, involving a Kosti Papadopolopoulos?

Panoupolos?

Panoupolos.

Yes, as I remember it, his wife had an affair.

Kostis drank, and in a moment of madness and passion, he knocked her over, she hit her head and died.

Ah.

So that's our Kosti.

Thank you, Theo.

Theo, I've finished my first major work.

Excellent!

Is it a work of genius?

Yes, it is.

Who wants to hear my writing?

No, too rude.

I'd rather die.

Good, Theo does.

Proudly purple in the gloaming, the tempting shaft of... Margo, darling, I have decided to ban alcohol.

I mean, it ruined Kosti's life and I think the boys are drinking far too much.

I would like you to go around the house finding any booze you can and get rid of it.

Good girl.

A sharp displacement of sad air made him aware obliquely of movement to his left flank as the earth continued...

I'm sorry about your wife.

I know it was an accident, and I'm sorry I didn't trust you.

I love her still.

Inside, I cry all the time, like a river.

I had a husband... and he died too, so I understand how you feel.

I mean, I didn't kill him, but...

Sorry.

Next time on Masterpiece.

BOY: You like to watch me at work?

Yes, I love gardening.

Could you please find me a Greek Orthodox priest?

No, I can't sail, but I'm a hell of a lot more competent than you are at this moment!

(squeaking) Leslie!

"The Durrells in Corfu," next time on Masterpiece.

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